It’s a Slow Day, So Some Random Thoughts…

Her Majesty best sums up what today is like. Not much else better to do. Work is going well, projects moving forward, but the day just lacks the feel of adventure and romance. I keep waiting for something to blow up on the news, or for some stranger to stride through my office door and tell me, in a desperate tone, that they need my help.

Unfortunately, all that’s happened so far in the office is someone farting loud enough for me to hear it down the hall.

So the old brain wanders, and that leads to random thoughts:

- If we still wiped our butts with leaves, would we eventually discover which ones were two-ply for maximum comfort?

- Do you suppose, after growing up with Michael Jackson as a father, that his kids will suddenly find themselves in situations we would think normal and say to one another: “Jesus, this is weird…”?

- I got to thinking the other day that if my car, a ‘97 Camry with 225,000 miles on it, were a Transformer it would be the one that moves slowly and coughs like an emphysemic.

- Given the success of the Chick-Fil-A cows at selling chicken, I’m totally shocked that no one has had the genius idea of using chicken to sell hamburgers. Or maybe pigs. Even a pheasant.

- Do people in countries with dictatorial and oppressive regimes wake up in the morning and think, “Please, crush my soul today”? If not, why do they stay?

- I think Kim Jong Il and Ahmadinejad should be cast in a remake of “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.”

- Sarah Palin says she thinks she could beat President Obama – in a footrace, that is. One of many shockingly dull revelations from a Runners World magazine profile on the former VP candidate. In equally irrelevant news, President Obama said he was sure he could piss higher on a wall than Sarah Palin.

- I could have saved myself a heck of a lotta money in college by simply putting myself on a newborn’s sleep schedule instead of drinking. My 2 month-old son’s nighttime needs leave me feeling drunker than Otis after winning the Mayberry lottery.

- I have weird neighbors. I watched as one, out walking his massive dog, very calmly scooped up a deposit left by the gigantic pooch and hurled it at his next-door neighbor’s front door. I’m glad I live on the other side of the subdivision.

- I signed up for Twitter (@southrngent) and suddenly realized how many update happy dull people there are in the world.

- Still looking for an agent to represent me and my books. Is it too much to ask for the universe to just bend to my whims and grant me instant success, fame and fortune? I mean, really…

Leave your random thoughts at the bottom. The best one will win a chance to randomly post something on the old blog on a day when I feel particularly lazy.