Her Majesty best sums up what today is like. Not much else better to do. Work is going well, projects moving forward, but the day just lacks the feel of adventure and romance. I keep waiting for something to blow up on the news, or for some stranger to stride through my office door and tell me, in a desperate tone, that they need my help.
Unfortunately, all that’s happened so far in the office is someone farting loud enough for me to hear it down the hall.
So the old brain wanders, and that leads to random thoughts:
- If we still wiped our butts with leaves, would we eventually discover which ones were two-ply for maximum comfort?
- Do you suppose, after growing up with Michael Jackson as a father, that his kids will suddenly find themselves in situations we would think normal and say to one another: “Jesus, this is weird…”?
- I got to thinking the other day that if my car, a ‘97 Camry with 225,000 miles on it, were a Transformer it would be the one that moves slowly and coughs like an emphysemic.
- Given the success of the Chick-Fil-A cows at selling chicken, I’m totally shocked that no one has had the genius idea of using chicken to sell hamburgers. Or maybe pigs. Even a pheasant.
- Do people in countries with dictatorial and oppressive regimes wake up in the morning and think, “Please, crush my soul today”? If not, why do they stay?
- I think Kim Jong Il and Ahmadinejad should be cast in a remake of “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.”
- Sarah Palin says she thinks she could beat President Obama – in a footrace, that is. One of many shockingly dull revelations from a Runners World magazine profile on the former VP candidate. In equally irrelevant news, President Obama said he was sure he could piss higher on a wall than Sarah Palin.
- I could have saved myself a heck of a lotta money in college by simply putting myself on a newborn’s sleep schedule instead of drinking. My 2 month-old son’s nighttime needs leave me feeling drunker than Otis after winning the Mayberry lottery.
- I have weird neighbors. I watched as one, out walking his massive dog, very calmly scooped up a deposit left by the gigantic pooch and hurled it at his next-door neighbor’s front door. I’m glad I live on the other side of the subdivision.
- I signed up for Twitter (@southrngent) and suddenly realized how many update happy dull people there are in the world.
- Still looking for an agent to represent me and my books. Is it too much to ask for the universe to just bend to my whims and grant me instant success, fame and fortune? I mean, really…
Leave your random thoughts at the bottom. The best one will win a chance to randomly post something on the old blog on a day when I feel particularly lazy.
This guy is your newest addition to the All-Star cast of Senators on Capitol Hill.
Seriously, Minnesota? Stuart Smalley?
Was Jesse “The Body” Ventura busy or something? I mean, if you’re going to send someone from the left-hand side of the political spectrum to represent your populace in Washington D.C., couldn’t you at least send someone with talent?
At least Garrison Keillor has an audience for his radio program. And for his books. And his jokes are funny.
Al Franken? Not so much.
Chalk one up for the poor, broke schmucks who’ve been had by businessmen more like Screwtape than scrupulous leaders.
Bernie Madoff is going to jail. For a long time.
Having watched with great heartbreak over the last year or so as my family’s investments have tanked, debilitating our retirement and college funds, I find great satisfaction in seeing Madoff get not just the book, but the whole set of books thrown at him.
Sound vindictive? Well, it is. And I’m not the only one leaning out my window and shouting at the sky, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!”
Here’s what one of the vicitm’s of Madoff’s scheme had to say, when requesting the judge levy the maximum penalty in Madoff’s case:
“We implore you to give the maximum sentence at a maximum prison for this deplorable low life. This is a violent crime without a tangible weapon.”
Corporate malfeasance is overdue for some justice. I’m all for getting our pound of flesh.
This makes the first few ounces…
